Simplify, Motherfuckers!

Extreme Life Hack: Suck Your Own Penis

As you may have noticed, your favorite Bactrian Camel hasn’t been writing much lately. But have no fear, he has been doing a lot of research (read: mindless clicking on tumblr) and has come across this life hack, which will surely revolutionize the sex lives of many of you youngsters. 

The joys of tumblr! While clicking some Ass Appreciation photos this morning, I found myself (accidentally, of course) on one of those blogs with lots of photos of guys with ripped abs unbuttoning their Levis. I was about to go back to something a bit more intellectually stimulating, when a lone photo caught my eye. A gentleman was, it appeared, sucking his own penis. Self-fellatio! The holy grail!

Tireless investigator that I am, I got onto Tim Ferriss’ website to see if he had any information about how to lick my dongle. He doesn’t. Great life hacker that he is, he probably has enough money he can pay to have his dick sucked. Your Camelus, however, is still a young entrepreneur, and a $30 blowjob is way out of his budget most months.

So sorry, Timmy. I’m going where you won’t!

According to this thread on this thread on Yahoo Answers, slobbing your own knob comes down to 2 factors: flexibility, and having a big knob to begin with.

The upshot is this: lose your beer gut, do some yoga, and a self-cocksucking is just a modified shoulder stand! Enjoy!

And while you’re at it, you might like hacking your (partner’s) vagina.