Simplify, Motherfuckers!

Mind Hack: Stop Listening to Depressing Crap

Scanning the vast and barren landscape of pop music produced in modern times, one cannot help but notice that much of it is depressing crap written by socially inept booger-eaters who burst into tears after orgasm.

Much of it is well-written and well-performed, no doubt. But that does not outweigh the impact of the emotions it expresses. Emotions which healthy, happy, self-actualized people (as well as camels) find counterproductive. We’re busy doing useful stuff and being fantastic.

Those of us who wish to live happy lives have little time to spend listening to some chode in leather pants sing about his broken heart. We’re the ones who are now fucking his girlfriend, much better than he ever did.

We are not interested in your breathy sighing on the entire fucking album you apparently wrote just to kiss your girlfriend’s ass, Mr Bruno Mars. We suspect you are a closet homosexual, and would be much happier if you came clean. (We’re saying it for your own good. We want only the best for you.)

We are not interested in your bullshit pseudo-existential rantings, Mr Linkin Park! You have probably never even read Dostoyevsky. You’re just a little depressed. Eat some lard and go out and get some exercise.

We are not impressed by your lack of testicular fortitude, Mr Train, and we strongly suggest that you spend a few months with a woman before determining if you want to marry her. As if the song Meet Virginia didn’t suck bad enough back in 1998! Bitch please! Get a job in a gas station somewhere and leave us alone!

I wish you all a good day and a good weekend. I’m going to go listen to some music which inspires me to greatness, and then spend the rest of the day being awesome.

Signing off, for now…

Camelus

P.S. I actually listened to a couple of the songs on the Billboard Top 100 in order to research this piece. Now I wish I hadn’t. But those are the sacrifices I have to make in order to become a blogging superstar. Oh well. So it goes. 

P.P.S. This post goes hand in hand with yesterdays, entitled It’s Your Brain, Now Learn How to Use It. You might also be interested in Self Help for Minimalists. Despite my ironic tone, I’m pretty fucking serious about all this. So enjoy.